萝莉社

Christmas movies, from It鈥檚 a Wonderful Life to Die Hard, mostly deliver the same clove-scented bromide: Sure, capitalism is destructive sometimes, but singular acts of charity spurred by the supernatural can save us! Maybe this message makes you feel cozy. But this year, aren鈥檛 you hungry for more than just cozy? For you, the hungry, I offer this social justice nerd鈥檚 tour of the good, the bad, and the ugly in Christmas cinema.

1. Trading Places: GOOD, BAD, and UGLY

This film is a firm 1980s rebuke to the demonization of Black culture. It gets ugly when Dan Aykroyd dons blackface and a Jamaican accent for some reason, but its historical take on racism is still good.

Aykroyd鈥檚 character, Louis Winthorpe III, belongs to the Founders Club (along with the film鈥檚 villains), founded at the birth of the nation, 1776. The walls are adorned with portraits of presidents. The membership: 100 percent White. The staff: 100 percent Black. Racism is the landscape of the movie. It鈥檚 not located in individual bigots, as in Hollywood鈥檚 other supposedly brave anti-racist flicks (see Crash, Detroit, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri), but rather in the founding of the country and in its institutions.

It鈥檚 a shame then that the resolution stays stuck in the system as Winthorpe and Eddie Murphy鈥檚 character only win by manipulating the stock exchange. So they join the system to beat the system, and then they perpetuate it. Using their winnings on a lavish vacation to a distant tropical beach, they take American wealth inequality to international waters. But this vacation is also a utopian vision鈥攆ormer servants, woman, man, White, and Black living together in paradise.

2. National Lampoon鈥檚 Christmas Vacation: GOOD

It鈥檚 the story of Clark Griswold, an 鈥渆xcellent choice to be named Food Additive Designer of the Year鈥� for his 鈥渘on-nutritive cereal varnish.鈥� 鈥淭he last true family man鈥� just made the down payment on a pool he can鈥檛 afford without his expected Christmas bonus.

It鈥檚 clear that the film asks us to laugh at Clark鈥檚 idea of Christmas, not with it. And then there鈥檚 poor cousin Eddie. Clark loathes him, even though he鈥檚 literally handicapped by a brain injury. But after every joke at Eddie鈥檚 expense, Clark is shown to be the true fool. But Clark shows sympathy for Eddie鈥檚 children. Late one sleepless night, Eddie鈥檚 youngest asks Clark, 鈥淚f Santa is real, how come we didn鈥檛 get squat last year? We didn鈥檛 do nothing wrong.鈥� Clark tells her not to worry this year, because he knows for a fact that Santa is real. In reassuring her of the Santa myth (be good and you鈥檒l get presents), Clark reassures himself of his adult capitalist myth (work hard, be good, and you鈥檒l get your bonus).

But it is all a lie. His boss cancels all bonuses. Facing financial ruin, Clark is saved by none other than Eddie, who kidnaps the boss, and in the end he restores bonuses. It鈥檚 Eddie鈥檚 protest (not being good), sparked by familial love (not self-serving labor), that wins the day.

3. It鈥檚 a Wonderful Life: UGLY

The story of George Bailey deciding to live because an angel tells him he鈥檚 a hero is either a thought experiment on the butterfly effect or it鈥檚 just another Hollywood White Man Savior picture. Sure, it鈥檚 touching when the community bands together to save Bailey鈥檚 Building and Loan. (I cry. Every. Time.) But it also revises history, erasing the federal government鈥檚 outsize part in expanding housing after the Great Depression.

Writing for Naked Capitalism, professor of humanities Scott Ferguson paints the problem like this: 鈥淎s thousands turn to crowdfunding platforms to shore up neoliberalism鈥檚 structural failures in everything from health care to the arts, It鈥檚 a Wonderful Life鈥檚 improbable fable of community-funded uplift stokes contemporary desires for digitally mediated miracles,鈥� e.g., Facebook fundraising to cover a late mortgage payment. It鈥檚 workable on a personal level if you have friends with means, but it鈥檚 no fix for a broken housing system.

Ferguson recommends boycotting the movie. I recommend careful praise for its limited message about community banking. Community banking is, after all, good. Right?

4. Miracle on 34th Street (1994): BAD

Santa鈥攔eal Santa鈥攚orks at the department store. Of course, he didn鈥檛 mean to get the job; he was just minding his own business at a parade when he got discovered for a modeling gig, and one thing led to another.

At first, it seems like real Santa makes a bad fake Santa. When parents complain that he鈥檚 promising their kids expensive gifts (what did they expect?), he tells them where they can get a better deal. The store鈥檚 managers don鈥檛 approve until they realize that Santa鈥檚 altruism is good marketing. Somehow, in the Miracle universe, no one else has thought of this yet.

Later, after assaulting a man on the street, Santa gets dragged into court and forced to prove he鈥檚 the real Santa (how this clears him of assault, no idea). It鈥檚 a little disappointing that the prosecution doesn鈥檛 ask why poor kids tend to get fewer and lower-quality toys (鈥淪anta, in your estimation, are poorer children less nice?鈥�) The prosecution鈥檚 slam dunk case is routed by a one-dollar bill handed to the judge. The 鈥渞easoning鈥� goes: The nation was founded on God, believing in God is like believing in Santa, and the judge definitely believes in the money printed with 鈥淚n God We Trust鈥� on the back, so he believes in Santa. Hooray?

5. Love Actually: BAD

There is power in the warm message of this pre-MeToo British rom-com: The world isn鈥檛 all bad. 鈥淟ove, actually, is all around,鈥� and you need only observe an airport arrivals gate to bear witness. However, they deliver this line right at the start, so you can stop there and skip three stories of boss men hooking up with their women employees. Bonus: You also get to skip the relentless workplace fat-shaming of a woman who is barely not-thin.

6. Bad Santa: BAD, THEN GOOD

At just 15 years old, this comedy has not aged well. A lot of the jokes are all constructed from a short list of 2003-approved slurs plus being mean to children.

Billy Bob Thornton鈥檚 revolting grinch character doesn鈥檛 have his first morally redeeming moment until halfway into the movie, and his backstory comes even later. If we hate him for being depressed and self-destructive, where鈥檚 our Christmas spirit?

The film is agnostic when it comes to cracking shopping mall safes on Christmas Eve. Knocking some accumulated wealth out of the system once a year, it turns out, provides enough to live comfortably, and if done well it doesn鈥檛 hurt anyone. And that鈥檚 how the movie gets us to like Thornton鈥檚 character. He鈥檚 good at what he does, which is nonviolently stealing lots of money from faceless corporations. He鈥檚 like a suicidally depressed Robin Hood.

7. The Polar Express: GOOD

Welcome to the mind of Tom Hanks. He voices Hero Boy, Hero Boy鈥檚 dad, the dadlike train conductor, the bad dadlike hobo, and, the daddy of all dads, Santa. This movie is the id of old liberal dads. Along a ride of nightmare logic that propels a series of nonsensical conflicts, we鈥檙e fed bits of cryptic wisdom meant to guide kiddos toward being good, fully formed adults. In addressing Christmas contradictions鈥攑oor kids are treated poorly by Santa, 鈥渄oesn鈥檛 this holiday promote wasteful consumption?鈥濃�攚e鈥檙e given the old liberal answer of annual charity. Inside the Leviathan of Christmas, the kiddos get lost in a tangle of deadly machinery built by a capitalist cult of CEO-worshipping elves (鈥淭ime is money,鈥� they say). The film tries to make us feel good about this house of horror and its contradictions, but I just can鈥檛. What鈥檚 good is the ending. Each kid gets a personal moral. To Hero Girl, who is Black, 鈥淟ead,鈥� because you show some aptitude for leadership. To Know-It-All, a White kid, 鈥淟earn鈥� because you might be tempted to use your confidence and disdain to shoot down the ideas of Hero Girl, but you really don鈥檛 know everything. And to Hero Boy, 鈥淏elieve,鈥� because letting someone else lead might be hard for a hero boy, but you gotta keep the faith.

8. Gremlins: THE BEST

At first, the villain of the movie seems to be a town scrooge, or maybe it鈥檚 the jingoist neighbor. Red herrings, both. This movie puts up an all-star villain team of the profit motive, colonialism, and technocrats. On a journey to Chinatown, a White American inventor exploits a generational culture divide (the old shopkeeper turns him away, but his grandson says they need the money) to steal a Chinese wonder, a cute creature known as the mogwai. At first, the inventor just wants a gift for his kid, but seeing how easily they multiply (just add water!), he tries to name the creature after himself (as if he鈥檇 discovered them) and he dreams of replacing the family dog (but 鈥渢he Peltzer pet鈥� isn鈥檛 nearly as endearing as 鈥淕izmo鈥�). His sweet, dopey dad vibe almost masks the dollar bill eyeballs. But one turns into five and five into a horde, sabotaging the city and hurling our toys at us with deadly force. It鈥檚 tempting to interpret the gremlins as a foreign invasion, but they are homegrown, spawned by our greed and our unwillingness to respect rules. So how do you stop a horde of capitalist monsters? Cast light on the nexus of consumption and colonialism, the shopping center (light literally kills gremlins).

In the end, the Chinese shopkeeper takes back his original mogwai and says America just isn鈥檛 ready. We may have survived this catastrophe, but we need a whole culture shift if we鈥檙e to prevent the next.